I work best when I’m not obligated to. I am most free when I don’t have any other options.

November of last year, I was gearing up to quit my job in Insurance and wanted to try to gain my life back.

I didn’t have a plan to do this. I just wanted to feel something new.

I worked a couple odd end jobs before landing two part time gigs in February.

One was an artist for a wine and painting business, and the other a program director for The Salvation Army Boys & Girls Club.

I loved everything about both jobs. Except the inability to cover my cost of living. 

I wanted more than anything to be able to live comfortably with these two jobs, but truth was, I was (still) struggling.

I was struggling to keep my phone on. My car insurance kept lapsing. I was 1-2 months behind on every bill.

And I didn’t have expenses you could “cut”.

I needed my car and for it to be insured.

I needed lights and power.

I needed my phone. I call my folks too much.

I needed so finish out this lease for our apartment.

I was struggling to live.

I was happy. But I wasn’t satisfied.

Fast forward to this November, I am in the same boat. I am resigning from one of my jobs, but this time I have a vision.

I know what I want. Out of life and out of myself.

I am accepting the ideas and gifts God gave me. I am going to use these gifts and ideas to make my world and THE world a better place.

I used to envy people who had a plan and vision for their life. Like, they always knew they were going to be a doctor or a lawyer. I was so ashamed for not being able to provide a clear direction for myself. –I don’t feel this was anymore, and I couldn’t be more proud to have friends that are checking life goals off of their list. I am so proud of my friends. I am so proud of my family. I am proud of me.

And I am not just proud, I’m happy.

I am genuinely happy for those around me! I’m elated almost.

Like, you had a dream and you accomplished it! GO OFF!

I would pour into people and their vision and ignore my own. But now I know that I can pour into myself as well.

I’ve learned that there is nothing harder to do, than to take your own advice.

It’s a slow process, but I’m getting there.

I started my own traveling painting service for kids. I’m taking myself more seriously as an Artist. And I have so much more in store.

A couple of post back, I stated that I was transiting from self-love to self-trust.

I am learning to trust my heart, my spirit, my relationship with God, and my relationship with myself.

Trust in yourself. You owe it to your dreams. Stop thinking about who you could be and be who you already are. Start where you are with what you have.

You already hold the key to your fulfillment; you just keep trying to use that key for the wrong doors.

And you want to know what the craziest part is? 

When you get to your door…it won’t be locked.

-AB