Evolution of Your Relationship Self.

For some, being in a relationship with someone, whether it’s the early stages or fully committed, can be an eye opening experience to who you are. Some relationships may even bring awareness to your place in the universe. It’s important to understand your relationship self. To me, your relationship self provides an understanding of self that permeates throughout all of your interactions. I’m learning this through the shift I am seeing with my friends, my father, and myself. There’s something different about how the world responds to you, by how you treat the ones closest to you.

I’ve always been transparent in my writings. There isn’t really much that my audience hasn’t been privy to. You all have known about my struggles with anxiety, my struggle with depression, my struggles with suicidal thoughts and attempts, my career changes, my bank account blues, love, pain, and joy. I’ve even hinted at my insecurities as a wife. I’ve shared everything. Lately, I’ve been straddling the line of privacy and transparency. I knew that certain things I was going through, I couldn’t share at the time due to the sensitivity. But it was killing me. Sharing my experiences is a coping mechanism for me, and not being able to do that was taking a toll on me.

I understand now that in order for me to remain authentic in my writing, I have to be honest and do what is right for me. I struggle with putting everyones emotional well-being above my own, and that’s how I landed in the position that I’m in. This position, however, has allowed me to evaluate and understand my interactions with people in correlation to my relationship self. My current position is, separated.

To some it may have been an obvious change in presence. Others knew more in-depth the woes of the distance. Others didn’t care either way. But yes, we have decided to part ways and let each other grown in the direction of our natural path. 

I haven’t been the happiest, neither has my spouse. There were things I should have done, but didn’t do. There were things he should have done, but didn’t do. There were things I did, that I shouldn’t have. 

I’ve expressed through my writings in previous post, that my struggle with being a good woman fell secondary to my attempts to be a good wife.

Maybe that mis-prioritization was the reason why our finances would never stabilized...my mental state would never balance...and my body...would never bare fruit...

Things were hard. I began to recognize my flaws. But I also didn’t ignore his. We are both amazing people. But the separation has opened doors for greater in each other’s lives. I’ve witnessed how blessings fell in his lap more frequently, and he has seen me envision my life with the more confidence and clarity then ever. 

Lesson were learned. Emotional honesty was learned. Care beneath attachment was learned. Healthy conversation was learned. There were many things learned, but nothing lost. 

I trust that even though I was not required to share, there will be a level of respect to each party with the access of information. I respect, admire and cherish what he represents to those who love him, the city that raised him, and the legacy that proceeds him.

I want you all to take a few days to observe yourself and your interactions with your romantic partners. Step outside yourself, if you will, to see how you respond, engage, and react. 

Then I want you to see how much of your romantic self alters your interactions with those whom you are not in a romantic relationship with. 

Is there a difference?

Do you change completely?

Are there healthy similarities?

Do you respond to hurt differently?

Do you forgive differently?

Observe your relationship self. Learn from your relationship self. And have a conversation. 

You deserve honest, full, open, supportive, thoughtful, engaging, spiritual, and euphoric love. You deserve love free from anxiety, heartache, miscommunication, manipulation, fear, brokenness and dependency. 

You deserve love free from dependency. 

You deserve love free from...

You deserve love, free...

You deserve love...

You deserve...

You.

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