Dear Ashley,

……

I know this is hard. You’re facing yourself in ways you’ve never done before. You’re more vulnerable then you’ve ever been. With yourself and others. You’re more honest with yourself and it hurts. It hurts really bad.

I know you want to stop crying. I know you’re tired. I know the same things that make you smile also make you sad. I want to help you more. But this lesson is something you have to learn. 

Your father asked you what happens when you have a test and don’t take it. You told him that you fail. Then he asked what happens if you take the test and make a “D”. You told him that you guessed you passed. He told you exactly. He said you only fail if you don’t take the test. The scores don’t have to be perfect, but you learn something you didn’t know before. Even if it’s a little bit. You learn. 

Ashley, I can see your heart cracking. Your trying desperately to keep it from shattering. I want you to know that it’s okay for it to break. You’ve been trying to keep your heart in tact all your life. It’s barely holding on. Your heart needs to finally break Ashley. You need to finally release everything you’ve been trying to hold in your weary heart. Let it break. Let all of those things escape your heart from the shatter. Ashley. It’s going to hurt. And I can’t tell you how long it will hurt. But your heart will repair itself. The heart break won’t break you.  

You’re truth is being revealed to you. It’s scary. You’ve never seen yourself so clearly. I know you’re having a hard time fully stepping into who you are. Truthfully. Honestly. You’ve never been allowed to. You’re afraid that you may not deserve it. You feel like you don’t deserve to be who you are. 

But Ashley. You do. 

You deserve to live freely in who you are.

You deserve to let people know you’re not happy. You deserve to let people know you’re sad. You deserve to be honest with yourself. With others. 

When someone asks you how you are. Don’t lie to them. It’s okay to tell them that you’re not okay. You don’t have to tell them why, but you need to start being honest. 

This time in your life is solely about honesty. First with yourself. Then with others.

Tell yourself it’s okay to be.

Tell him you love him but can’t be with him anymore.

Tell her that she hurt you, but you want her to be a part of your life.

Tell them you want to be closer to them.

Tell him that you need him more that you’ve ever needed him before. 

Tell her that she is love.

Tell them that you appreciate them.

Be honest Ashley. 

The world is waiting for you. But you’ll remain trapped if you remain in a lie. It hurts right now because you keep lying to yourself. You know the truth. Release it.

Be honest.

Be truthful.

Break.

Rebuild. 

Sincerely,

......