The Black Church Failed Me.
The Black Church Failed Me…
...and I have been to a lot of black churches.
Before you get your feathers ruffled, I said the black church failed me. Not God. God has been the same undeniable, unshakable, and untouchable force of grace over my life He has always been.
As I glance over at the cross bracelet on my left wrist, I am reminded of all the ways in which God has been there for me, but the church hasn’t always been there.
All my life, in all my teachings, I realized I’ve only ever been taught a handful of things.
Don’t go to Hell.
You can do all things through Christ.
Jesus is coming back.
Pay your tithes.
Pray about it.
These lessons often taught over and over again, in different formats, using different Bible verses, to highlight each point. But nonetheless, it’s normally the same basic five lessons. There isn’t anything wrong with these lessons, they are all viable. I actually would rather not go to Hell; I know that Christ can help me do all things; I know Jesus is coming back; I …. pay…. my tithes? ; And I pray.
Even with these lessons, there were things I wasn’t taught in relation to them.
I wasn't taught how to deal with the Hell that is already on Earth. I wasn't taught the lesson of timing when doing all things through Christ. I wasn’t taught the mindfulness that is associated with prayer.
I would ask questions, but was always met with a stern --“Trust Gods plans.”
I know but-
“Trust HIM!”
And I would listen, trusting Him, without even knowing what I needed to trust Him with. Unclear about my own wishes and dreams.
The Black church left a void in me. It left feelings of uncertainty, weakness, and contributed to some of my mental blockades.
“Oh, that's just the devil”
--NO!
Maybe there are things I actually need help with.
...
Younger me was left confused and hurt, and now older me has to trace back to some teachings and dive into other lessons the Bible has. Older me is now able to explore other teachings and relate them back to what I’ve learned or what I believe.
I am learning to practice the mindfulness that will allow me to have a deeper connection when I pray. I can search myself -- my soul for a connection, instead of just being told there is one.
My connection with God may not be like yours. Your connection may not be like mine. We all have our own divine connection with Him, just as we have our own divine purposes.
And if we have our own divine purpose, wouldn’t it make sense that we receive the message of our purposes differently? For those who believe in God, it’s my understanding that he made each and every one of us with our very own unique design right? So, to me, it makes sense that I have my own unique connection with Him.
All my experiences with the Black Church were not terrible. I was taught about fellowship. I was taught the value of education. I learned how souls can be touched through hymns and song. I learned sacrifice. I also had the honor of meeting some very important people that helped me change my life and get me out of Goldsboro.
However, I still saw a lot of discouragement, dishonesty, betrayal, and heartbreak in the church. At some point, it turned from being a place where these elements came to for relief, to being the source from which they sprout.
For a place for me to go and not be judged, I felt judged there the most.
I was met with such close mindedness, confrontational reasons to why I should believe, and lessons strictly based off the Stone Age.
My connection with God is my connection with God. My journey with Him is my journey with Him. He designed me, so He knows exactly how to show me that He loves me.
My hope is that all people experience the freedom of knowing that they are special, loved, wanted, and designed to do great things.
Study yourself and your relationship with your religion, or higher power. You may be holding back a spiritual connection you never knew existed.
Also please don’t overwhelm me with Church suggestions. I have that covered. Thanks :-)
-A
