My First Car Accident

It was some time ago, I was about eleven years old. It was back when my family actually got together for the holidays and I knew who all my cousins were. It was Thanksgiving, one of my favorite holidays. I loved the food, but I loved seeing my family even more.

We were in Maryland, Thanksgiving was held at one of my aunts house. She had a tiny dog that my mom was terrified of, so I played with him to calm her down and move the attention away from her fear. I remember playing with my older cousins and watching my family drink and laugh. Times like these made me feel like I finally knew what family was.

After a night of great food and stuffing myself, I threw up. And then ate some more ham and stuffing the next day. My dad didn't travel with us that year. He usually drives us everywhere. Maybe it was because I threw up on Thanksgiving the year before in his Cadillac. I don't know, I just don't remember him being there. My mom drove. A sky blue van. It was my mom, my grandma, my "step-grandfather", my little sister and little brother. They were about five and six years old.

A couple of days later, our family time ended and we all piled up in the van and left for North Carolina. I remember arguing with my little sister about who was going to use the coloring book first. My grandma turned around and open the coloring book to two uncolored pages and sat the book in between us so that we both had a page on our legs. She was always so great a diffusing situations.

I admired my grandma so much. She loves everything and everyone and she gives 100% to everything. But anyway, me and my sister began to color and I heard my brother talking my grandmas ears off. I smiled. He was usually very quiet. I liked to see him talking. I think my grandma and I were the only people he really talked to. Then I heard my mom and my "step-grandfather" arguing about directions, my step-father was being very aggressive, my mom was very submissive. I didn't like it. I looked up and shouted shut-up! I haven't always been good at respecting adults who I felt were wrong. It got quiet but I was ignored. My step-grandfather kept nagging my telling her to go and turn at an intersection, but my mom did not want to go. She didn't think making that turn was a good idea. But after constant yelling she floored it and I saw the coloring book fly from me and my sisters lap.

A car had hit us at full speed. Glass shattered. The van spun dramatically. All I really remember doing it throwing myself over my little sister. I felt little glass shards prick my arms and neck, but I didn't care. I couldn't care. I looked up during one off the spins and saw my grandma hurled over my little brother. The sound of the crash rattled my brain and I squeezed my sister harder.

Everything became very still. I heard cries. I was scared to open my eyes. I thought someone was dead. I couldn't open my eyes. I listened for every voice. I heard my mother's cries, my brothers cries, my step-grandfathers snarling, and my grandmas reassuring voice saying that we were all okay. I kept my eyes closed and then I felt my sisters tears. I snapped out of my paralyzed daze and open my eyes and looked at her. She was fine, just shaky.  She hand little pieces of glass in her hair, I picked them out. For whatever reason, I blamed myself.

Sometimes that day replays in my head as a reminder that life is unpredictable. My Step-Grandfather has now passed, and I'm starting to lose my grandmother to her own mind. My sister and brother are doing well. My mother is growing and glowing. 

There are going to be moments in your life that you don't expect. It's up to you to learn from it or let it control you. I'm past the point in my life where I let things I have no control over, control me. That accident was not my fault. The aftermath of that accident was not my fault. 

It's not your falut.

Now grow.

-ab